NEVER have I once claimed to be perfect! I mess up all the time, I realize and acknowledge this fact. (maybe more stubbornly at times than others) But I know I'm not a perfect person. OK, so what! Get over it! I'm only human after all. I am getting SO tired of always being the source of Nick's complaints! To him, I am the reason the house isn't clean enough, or why the laundry is always piled up to the ceiling, AND why we can't seem to get our financial problems under control. WTF!? Did I miss something? Am I the only one who lives in this house, or the only one who wears clothes, and sometimes spends money I really shouldn't? I'm constantly reminded of who makes the money in this relationship, and who doesn't! Yes, I know I don't contribute financially the way he does, but does that mean I'm not doing things just as important? Yes, I choose to stay home with my kids. I choose to be a housewife. I choose to put my schooling off until my kids are older. I don't regret those decisions, not even for a second! But should I honestly have to feel less important just cause I don't get paid for the job I do? Maybe Nick doesn't make me feel that way on purpose, but when he's telling other people "If I were the stay-at-home Dad, things would be SO much better"! Now that's just plain HURTFUL!!! Never have I said to him (or anyone else for that matter) that I would be better at his job than he is.
I've honestly come to realize that it doesn't matter what I do, nothing will be good enough. I've tried getting a job (waitressing at Red Lobster, babysitting) but that didn't work out so well. I'm either gone too much or not making enough money to have it work out. And I've also tried working really hard to get the house cleaned up so Nick would be happy when he came home from work, only to have it go unnoticed and for him to stress out about something else like bills instead. I don't know how to make everyone happy at the same time while still trying to keep myself from going crazy from being in the house all day. All I know is that I really can't keep having the same arguments with Nick. It's always over the same damn thing, no matter what I do. SO.... I GIVE UP!!!! To hell with trying to make everyone else happy. It's obviously not working anyway, so why bother. I'm just so frustrated by this all. There's nothing better than being told that I am the cause of every major fuck up in our lives. (note the heavy sarcasm in my pissed off voice) I have a new rule though... since being a stay-at-home mom is my job, at 7:00 pm every night I'm clocking out! Make your own damn dinner! I'm off the clock!
Saturday, January 5, 2008
I GIVE UP!!!!
Posted by Amie at 12:01 PM
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2 comments:
yeah I know what you are saying your blog sounds the same as the one I made a few weeks ago. Its rough and it sucks that we don't get enough thank you's or good jobs. Everything is always expected of us and it seems as if we are never good enough in some cases when a little help would make it soooo much better. I'm sorry your having a bad day if you want to talk later just give me a call I would take you out for coffee but I'm in that class. If you want to go do something tomorrow I'm up for it or even tonight. I should be done at 8 maybe 7. Cheer up I dont think things will ever change even when we are working.
:(
It's hard to be a stay-at-home mom, no matter what anyone thinks. It's not just taking care of the kids and cleaning the house, there's more to it. You are in charge of five lives, you have to know what's going on with each one before you can plan what you're going to do. With that, two of your kids are still very young, so while they are still awake, the house is not going to be clean. I've come to this realization and I try to make sure at least the living room is picked up so there's one room to escape to.
I think you and Nick need to sit down and talk to each other, but you each have to take turns talking about what frustrates you and you cannot respond. Does that make sense? You each need to get your frustrations out without worrying about the other getting defensive. Because until you can each understand what is going on, it's not going to be solved. Each of you write out your frustrations on your own, so you know what you want to say.
I think there are things in life that need to be done together as a couple, finances are one of those things. I've born the burden of taking care of the bills and it's hard. I try to make sure Jayson knows what's going on with our money. I really hope you two can work things out. If you need to talk, let me know.
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