I want to be Oblivious!

Right now I'm hiding. I put my headphones in my ears and turned up the volume so I can't hear anything but the music. Even though the kids have come to bug me a million times I'm still determined to sit here and listed to my music! Today has been a little stressful. I woke up to Elliot whining because he wanted candy for breakfast (which of course I said no) and because him and Mason were fighting over a video game. Then on top of that Ethan lied to me the night before about having his homework done (which of course it wasn't) so was I extremely frustrated because he just wanted me to give him all the answers instead of taking the time to think about it and he was whining and arguing with me about how it was too hard for him. THEN, Nick started to get on MY case because I was irritated and arguing with the kids too much!!!! Sheesh. Talk about a morning from hell. All I want is to wake up in the morning without having people all up in my face! Sometimes it feels like everyone needs 100 things from me all at the same time. Hello... I'm only one person people! And there is only so much drama and stress I can handle before I blow up. Blow up or cry. Which is what I did this morning. There's nothing like starting out your day with a bunch of people yelling at you and then crying your eyes out all before 8 a.m! I sure hope tomorrow morning is better. Maybe I'll just stick these headphones back in my ears while I'm making my coffee so I can't hear any of the whining and arguing. Good idea! I can be completely oblivious to the chaos around me and enjoy my coffee with some good tunes. Man, why didn't I think of that earlier?

OK, well I've been hiding for a pretty long time. I guess I better go peek at the kids just to make sure nobody is bleeding or anything.

10 years!

OK, so I had a post all written out about Nick and I's little weekend getaway for our 10th wedding anniversary but then my computer decided to take a shit and I lost it all! UGH! So, instead of writing it all out again I guess I'll just give you the short version.


We rented a condo up in the Ogden Canyon at the Lakeside Village.
It had a hot tub and a gorgeous view of the mountains and the reservoir.

It was very peaceful and we had a blast! I think we both were sad that we couldn't stay longer.

It's hard to imagine that we really have been married for 10 years already! Wow! Crazy.

Sadly, I didn't get very good pictures but at least you can get the idea from these.

It was a much needed break. We felt totally secluded, which was nice. We never even saw any other people the whole time we were there. Well, except for the lady who came to give us clean towels and scared the crap out of Nick. Ha Ha. We were out on the back deck so we didn't hear her knock and when we came inside she gave Nick a heart attack. It was funny.

Well, there you have it. My shortened version of my lost post.

Get to work!

The last few weeks I've been doing some job hunting! All I can say is UGH! There isn't really much to choose from. OK, so maybe I'm being a little picky. Its not that I don't want to work because I do! I just want this job to work out for the best, and not to be another source of stress on all of us. Having young kids at home really limits my availability... meaning that I'm going to have to get an evening/night job. The last job I got didn't work out because they were totally unwilling to work with me when it came to my schedule. I guess that's what I get for taking a job with a young, single, male manager in charge. He had no patience, and no sympathy for a mom with young kids at home. If I said I couldn't work until the evenings, he'd schedule me for the early afternoons. I'm sure that my lack of being able to stand up for myself and for always letting people walk all over me didn't help my situation either. Getting a job is just plain stressful for me! I hope I can find one that will work out this time. I love having a job. It makes me feel like I'm doing something good to contribute to our family, and it helps me feel more independent. I love staying at home with my kids but lets face it... being a stay at home mom can really get lonely. Yes, I've got kids around me all the time, but I need more adult interaction! I'm looking forward to having some time out of my house!!

OK, well enough whining from me. It's about noon, which means feeding time at the zoo! ha ha! I better get to it.

CIAO!

It's C-c-c-cold!!

Man, this month is full of surprises. A couple weeks ago it was 80+ degrees, and now it's freezing and snowy! Saturday afternoon we had a big birthday bash for Emma and Elliot. There was so many presents being opened between the two of them that it was total chaos, but a lot of fun. We had lots of friends and family here too, so it was crowded! We're lucky to have such a big group of awesome people to celebrate with.

Sunday morning we woke to find we had gotten about a foot of snow over night! With all the mess and presents from the birthday party still in my living room, and so much snow on the ground it totally felt like Christmas morning!!! I kept saying "Merry Christmas" to the kids, just to confuse them. Haha.

They say it's supposed to get back up into the 70's sometime next week. I hope it does because I feel totally cheated! Fall is my all-time favorite time of year and we didn't even get one yet. If we go straight from summer to winter I will be super mad! That's not even fair. I need to have those perfect, beautiful, sunshiny, cool days to enjoy before I hibernate for the winter.

I need to drink more coffee and try to defrost my toes! I guess that's a good excuse to snuggle up under a blanket and read more of my book. Cold weather, although NOT my favorite, does have some perks.... sometimes.

Ciao!

My favorite month

October is my favorite month and it's FINALLY here! There is so much fun stuff going on this month. Elliot turns 3 on the 13th and Emma turns 5 on the 14th! We are going to have a big birthday bash for them. I'm thinking about having a Halloween themed birthday party for them this year. Maybe the girls can all dress up as princesses and the boys as pirates. (or something like that) I will have to talk to the kids and see what they think. I'm also thinking about having another big Halloween party again this year. Last year we had one and it was so much fun. Everyone came dressed up, we had scary decorations, lots of good food, a few games, and a costume contest. I want to do it again. AND... I was thinking it would be a lot of fun to take everyone out to the Haunted Hallow. We went there a few years ago and it was totally fun, and scary! (It's a big haunted forest that's all set up outside) Of course that would have to be an adult thing because my kids would be to creeped out. Maybe we can to to a pumpkin patch and hay ride with the kids instead. Lagoon is having their Frightmares going on this month too. I've always wanted to go and this year we have season passes! Yay! I'm excited. Plus, there's also costumes to think about. I better get started on those. I think Ethan wants to be a warewolf, Emma wants to be a vampire, and Elliot... well I think he wants to be Link (from Zelda) again but I'm trying to talk him into being something different. We'll see how that goes haha. Nick said he wants to be Legolas (from Lord of the Rings) so that should be funny! As for me... I have NO idea. I'll have to come up with something good. Maybe I'll do something funny like an 80's punk rocker, or maybe something scary like a witch... I'm not sure.

Anyway... I'm totally rambling now so I will quit. I've got tons of laundry I should be doing anyway.

Ciao!

I thought it was FALL?!

It was so dang HOT today! I think was around 80 degrees. Sheesh. So much for my nice, cool, fall weather. That didn't last long. I want it to be in the low 70's upper 60's!!! I took the kids to the park today and sweat my dang butt off! Poor Elliot's cheeks were bright red and he had sweat beads on his nose. I finally just took his shirt off and got his hair wet in the drinking fountain. Emma tried to take her shirt off but had to settle for putting her hair in a pony tail to keep cool instead. Ha ha. It was nice getting out of the house tho. Plus we made some new friends too so that's always fun.

I've been gone all day but my house is still trashed. Guess I better clean up a little before Nick comes home.

Ciao!

I'm blaming the rain.

Today I'm blaming the rain. Blaming it for my blah mood, my incredible laziness, my inability to want to get off the computer today, the reason my kitchen sink is full of dirty dishes and the laundry is still piled up to the ceiling and I just don't care, and also for the fact that I just want to crawl into a hot cup of coffee and hide. It feels nice to put all the blame on something else. Even if it's just for the day. Afterall, it really doesn't rain here very often. I've got to take advantage of it when i can.

28 and counting...

Today I am 28 years old. Seriously!? I still can't believe I'm 28! I mean, wasn't I 18, like, just the other day?? Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

My parents took me (and Meghan) out for lunch. I was in the mood for some Mexican food so we went to a place called Garcia's. It was really tasty, and I'm STILL full. I didn't even have to wear the huge "Birthday Sombrero" either! Our waiter said that they were understaffed, so there wasn't enough people to sing to me. Talk about my lucky day. I still got my free fried ice cream dessert, and got to eat it without being embarrassed first. It's the small things in life that make me smile. Hahaha.

Other than that, it's been a pretty laid back day. I've got to be to work VERY early in the morning and I'm hoping to be able to get to bed at a decent time. I have a looooong day ahead of me tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprised if I work 12 or 13 hours tomorrow. KILL ME NOW!

Ciao!

New adventures

Meghan and I have been buying all sorts of fun tools over the last few weeks. We bought a scroll saw, hand sander, a dremmel tool, and all sorts of other odds and ends. We are hoping to start making some crafty things, or maybe to just make our old things look neat. Meghan heard about a little craft fair thingy that is going on in November where you rent a table and sell your stuff. Well we are thinking about doing it. I say thinking because thus far we haven't made anything that's sellable. lol. I'm sure this should be interesting. I'm looking forward to it. We turned my back room into our very own little workshop. We even crafted a work table out of an old door and some 2x4's I had laying around. It's fun, and we hide back there as much as possible! Hopefully soon we'll have some cool homemade things to show off. I'm excited.

September's here!

Sheesh. Where has the time gone? Lately I feel like my days are all blurring into one! I still can't believe that it is already September, school has started again, and it's finally starting to feel like fall outside. Ethan is in 4th grade this year. Yes, you heard right... 4th grade!!! If that doesn't make me feel old, nothing will. I still remember when we brought him home from the hospital like it was just yesterday. He was just this sweet, sleepy, 4 pound little person, and I was scared as heck! He's definitely growing up too fast. Makes me sad, but it's really neat to see how he's changed over the past year. I mean... just look for yourself.

Ethan in 2007

Ethan in 2008

Crazy, isn't it? One short year but so much change. I wish I had a magic stop watch sometimes so I could freeze time. Just for a little while. I know I'm going to miss these years someday.

Other news.. Emma started going to preschool. She misses kindergarten by only a month or so! The school system here in Utah is so different than it is in Illinois. I was really upset that they wouldn't just let her go to kindergarten anyway. She is definitely ready so that would be a problem. She can write all of her letters, and even spell some smaller words all by herself. Lately she has started to sound out the letters too! She's so smart. She will be reading here in no time. Makes me mad that she can't be in school.

Well my kids keep saying that they are hungry, so I better get in the kitchen and figure something out for dinner. Nick should be on his way home from work too. I'll write again soon.

Mars vs. Venus

Why is it that when it comes to a girls feelings and a boys feelings we are on totally different pages most of the time!? Girls and boys have such a different view when it comes to feelings! Even if the feelings involved are the SAME freaking thing!!! There is always this twisted, complicated, hazy maze we have to go through to reach the same conclusion. Does that even make sense? UGH! Sometimes I just get so frustrated. Its like just because I'm a girl, and my feelings are mainly run by my emotions, sometimes I'm looked at as being "crazy" or "unstable" because I cry when my feelings get hurt, or if I'm frustrated, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all. Now, I'm not trying to bash on boys. I'm just simply trying to say that it's frustrating!!! Trust me, if I could make myself not cry I would do it in a second. Crying makes me feel weak and I hate that about myself!

I realize this probably doesn't make any sense. But then again... I am just a girl, right? An over-emotional girl who doesn't make any sense and cries too much. What more would you expect?

I'm just venting.

Pictures of my Kidlets

My little sister took some new pictures of my kids over the weekend. They turned out amazing and I absolutely LOVE them! It's so sad how fast they grow up. It seems like they look completely different than the last time we had their pictures taken. I wish they could stay little forever!!!

Me with my sweet babies.

Elliot looking sweet

Handsome Ethan

Emma looks so grown!

All of my kiddos... even the hairy one Lucy

Ethan lounging in the grass

Elliot's cute grin

Sweet kisses

Emma, Elliot, and Ethan

Something To Look Forward To

Nick and I are going to see Secondhand Serenade next weekend! (OK, so I'm going and I'm dragging Nick along with me lol.) I am really excited! Besides Secondhand Serenade there will be four other bands playing too. (My American Heart, PlayRadioPlay, The Graduate, and Rookie of the Year) It should be a lot of fun! I think we are going to rent a hotel room for the night so we don't have to drive home so late. All three kids are staying the night at Grandma's so we will get a WHOLE night together without kids!!! YAY! I am SO looking forward to it. It's been too long since we have been able to have a night away.

Also... the Show Me The Money Bus Tour launches this Saturday! I am super excited about that too! Things are finally rolling along. :) Soon I'll be making some extra money so I can start to pay off some of our debt! It's going to feel so good!!

I worked 9 hours today, and I've been up since 4:30 am! Time to bum out in front of the TV for a while. Later.

Is it bed time yet?

Boy what a day! I am BEAT! I know I only work twice a week, but Thursdays and Fridays are killing me! There has been so much to do at work lately that I come home feeling totally exhausted! I don't know how my Mom does this job full time! Two days a week is more than I can handle sometimes. My friend Sammi started working with us this week. She is going to be working full time with my mom! Poor girl. It's fun to get to work with her tho. At least now I'm not the only one with a butt crack showing while I'm on the floor trying to reach for things on the bottom shelf! Hahaha.

Emma and Elliot have been running fevers the past couple of days. My poor babies! Emma said her throat hurts, and Elliot just wants to be held and cuddled 24/7. I tried asking him if he's sick he just shakes his head, covers his ears, then hides his hot face in my neck. He doesn't like when I take his temperature in his ear. He's making me sweat!!! Maybe I'll get lucky and kids will all be in bed early tonight. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

OK, well I've got to get off this computer before I fall asleep. I need to go do something productive to help keep me awake! I'll write again soon.

Running Circles

Hey all. So, I haven't written in a few days, so I thought I'd write a quick update. I'm just busy busy busy! I've been babysitting, working, being a mom, being a wife, and trying to keep up with the business I started. It's all keeping me running circles, to say the least! Other than that, tho, things are pretty much the same old thing. Just trying to stay sane, and to have some fun once in a while. Weekends are usually the time we let loose around here. (usually "letting loose" means going to Lagoon with the kids during the days and chilling with friends during the evenings.) It's been fun. Just last weekend we took the kids to the beach and we've all got the sun burns to prove it. The weekend before that we went to Lagoon with the kids, and some good friends, Sammi, Ryan, and Mason. We all had a blast, and were there for over 7 hours! It was a long, sunny, HOT day, but a lot of fun. I got to take Sammi on her first roller coaster ride! (which I almost peed myself on because we were laughing so hard!) I took her on one of the most "tame" roller coasters first, then skipped right to one of the scariest ones next. Other than screaming our heads off and laughing until it hurt.... we survived. I think she likes roller coasters now. I also took her on one of the "free-fall" type rides which we both loved. It was scary as hell, but so much fun. (Thank God for the bathroom that was close by. hahah.) I hope that we all get to go together again soon. It was a lot of fun.

Well, tomorrow is Wednesday, which means that I don't have to get up early because I don't have to babysit early!!! I am excited about that, and am looking forward to sleeping in until at least 8:00! I am watching Mason tomorrow afternoon, but he's easy, so that doesn't really count.

I'll try to updat again soon.

I really miss...

Thunderstorms!!! I moved from the "Rain forest" (Illinois) to the desert. It is SO dang dry here. It's crazy how different Utah is from Illinois. In Illinois everything is so green and lush. The trees are full of huge, supple leaves, there are beautiful flowers everywhere, and the grass is so alive and fluffy you could curl up on it and take a nap! Here in Utah I don't think there is even such a word as green. Here, if I don't constantly run my sprinklers my grass will look like straw and my flowers wither up and die in just one day! It NEVER rains here. In Illinois you get more rainy days than you get sunny days. I was actually sick of rain before we came to Utah. Now I miss it. I definitely don't miss the humidity in Illinois tho. Now that was awful! As soon as you walk outside and don't have the air conditioner to protect you anymore, instant sweat! Sweat dripping down your forehead and rolling down your back. It makes you feel like you need 3 showers a day! No, definitely don't miss that. I'll take dried up Utah over that any day! Plus, at least here we've got the mountains to look at. All Illinois has is corn fields.

The weather man says we're supposed to get some rain today. It sure looks gloomy enough outside for rain, but I'm not counting on it. It makes me miss those big Illinois thunderstorms. The ones where your walls shake from the loud claps of thunder, and you think you need a boat to keep from being washed away. If we ever had a storm like that around here people would probably think the world was coming to an end. Bunch of babies.

Anyway... I've got things to clean, kids to feed, and laundry to fold. Plus, I better go outside and water my flowers before they die.

I know, I know

I really should be doing laundry, washing dishes, mopping the kitchen floor, or going grocery shopping, but instead I'm here--glued to the computer screen. I could NOT sleep last night. My mind just wouldn't quit thinking about things even though I tried and tried to just relax! It really wan't anything too specific I couldn't get off my mind--mostly my new business and a few other things. Finally around 6 am I just got up, made coffee, and snuggled up on the couch to read my book. Kind of a nice morning actually. Nice and quiet and I read half my book already. I couldn't put it down. I also got to actually drink a whole cup of coffee before it got too cold! Now that never happens. Maybe I should get up early every morning.

Well, I've made my grocery list already so I guess I better actually go shopping. Since I haven't been cooking dinner lately nick wasn't too happy because there wasn't anything to eat in the house. (I've given up on dinner. It seems like whenever I cook-no one wants to eat so I end up eating alone anyway.) I guess I'm on a kind of "Dinner strike" for now. I use to really like dinner time. It was the only time of day that all of us could sit down together and enjoy it. Lately it's just not like that, so I gave up. No sense in getting upset about it every night. Sad for me, but maybe one of these days someone besides me will miss it.

OK, I'm off to wal-mart. UGH!

Mixed Feelings

Recently I had a falling out with one of my close friends. The whole thing was just so stupid that it frustrates me to no end. In my opinion- I think it was a big lack of communication and a total lack of respect for each other's feelings. We both got our feelings hurt and are too stubborn to work it out. I feel like I tried to express how I was feeling, and instead of talking things out I got blamed for things that were totally unfair and then got totally shut out. I don't know why it hit me so hard, or why I took it so personally. I mean, just a few months before all this happened between her and I, I watched her completely shut out another one of our good friends. I don't know if that is just her way of avoiding or running away from her problems, but it seems wrong to me. Then again, when I'm upset about something I usually react the total opposite of her and face my problems a little too boldly. Not good either. Especially when it can seem like I've got my boxing gloves on and I'm ready to fight. (ask Nick, I know he knows what I can be like) Honestly tho, I hate fighting. I hate confrontation. I hate drama. I hate losing friends over stupid shit. I guess I just feel torn. The good in me keeps saying "just freaking call her already. work it out. it's not worth losing a friendship over." Then, right when I start listening to that side of me the bitch in me thinks "forget her! friends don't treat each other this way. it's not worth the tears." (Imagine me with a little white angel on my right shoulder and the red devil on my left.) That's how it feels! I'm torn between two ways of thinking. I am, by no means, claiming innocents here. I know that some of the things I did or said were mean and wrong, and that sometimes I react to things before I have thought things through. I'm not perfect and I know it. I guess that I'm just upset because of the reaction I got out of her when I finally said "I'm upset!" It definitely wasn't the reaction I was expecting. I don't know. Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I expected too much out of our friendship. Maybe our friendship meant more to me than it did her. Maybe I should just have kept my mouth shut. Maybe I should just swallow my pride and work things out with her. Maybe I should just walk away, forget the whole thing. I have way to many "maybes" on my mind. It's driving me crazy-when it shouldn't be. I don't know how to feel about it all. I've got mixed feelings.

We have texted a few times since all this has happened. Mostly we're both just still being stubborn, but at least it's some sort of communication, right? I guess that although it's not the happiest situation, and things don't always work themselves out on their own, I'm still fine. A little sad. Definitely frustrated. But fine. I don't want to act so stubborn, but I'm not able to simply let it all go, either. Maybe it's worth it, or maybe it's not. I guess time- and actions- will tell.

Music and Dancing

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. ~Berthold Auerbach

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

These quotes made me smile. I thought they went together perfectly, and pretty much describe my thoughts exactly.

Time for another "Dance Party"! Who's coming?

Summer Days

Wow! Where did the last month go? Time sure has been flying by lately. I still can't believe it's already July!

I have been keeping myself pretty busy. Maybe that's why time is going by so quickly. This summer has been a fun one so far. We got season passes to Lagoon, which is definitely not as big or fun as Six Flags, but the kids love it. It's so fun to watch them on the rides. Elliot has been a trooper, and has been going on some of the more 'scary' rides with us. We all smooshed together on the tilt-a-whirl and I thought Elliot was going to have a fit when we started spinning around really fast. He looked terrified! When we got off I asked him if he liked it and all he said was "Dat Fun" with a big smile on his face. Emma is a little less brave. The first day we went on a haunted house ride. You sit in the car and it takes you through a dark place where there are noises and things jump out at you. Bad idea! Emma was NOT happy with me and made it very clear that she was NEVER going on that again! Hahaha. Wuss. Ethan is finally tall enough to ride on all the big roller coasters. He's having a blast, and definitely screams less than I do.

Ok, well I am off to wake kids up. Emma and Elliot had a long day and crashed on the couch. If I don't wake them up soon it's going to be a LOOOONG night.

Whoo Woo!!

I've been slacking. I haven't blogged in a while. There seems to always be too much going on in my day that I can't think straight! Yesterday I had 6 kids in my house all day! Now that was interesting. It was almost like being stuck in the Jungle with man-eating animals running all around me. Yikes! Luckily I survived to live another day.

Last night I was listening in on another live conference call for Show Me The Money. It was really interesting because Danny Glover was on there talking to us. He was good motivation to me and had a lot of good things to say about the business. So far Show Me The Money hasn't done any public advertising. It's all been spread through word of mouth. That is all changing within the month. They have a $10 million budget for advertising and are starting a live tour to 100 cities across the nation! They are expecting somewhere around 10,000 leads per DAY once that happens and people start hearing about this business. What that means for me is that I will be making some great money very soon! I am extremely excited and can't wait for things to start moving along!!!!

Anyway... Elliot is having a meltdown, so I better go crack my whip!!!

Minds Made Up

I probably shouldn't write tonight but Nick is in bed and I'm bored. I should be in bed too, but I'm not ready just yet. To tell you the truth I'm completely exhausted. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't let people get to me. I wish I could just say "To hell with it" and not care as easily as some other people can. Water under the bridge, right? Well, it's hard for me. I don't like saying goodbye to someone who I once loved and shared a close friendship with. I don't like leaving things unsaid, or unexplained. I don't like constantly feeling upset. In this matter I really don't have a choice. Minds have already been made up, feelings have already been hurt, and mean things have already been said. The only thing I can do is to learn, grow, and move on. Definitely not a happy, or easy, thing to do in this situation, but not the end of the world either.

OK. I'm ready for bed now. Night.

A Jumble of feelings

I am excited, nervous, anxious, happy, hopeful, confident.... and a whole bunch of other feelings.... all bunched together! I was introduced to an awesome business opportunity by my cousin and his wife a few days ago and I am really grateful to them for thinking of me. I am totally excited and motivated! I just want all my close friends and family to have the same opportunity, and I have already talked to some of them. It is such an easy, simple, program i can do right out of my own home. I don't even have to sell anything, and this program is backed by the fourth largest company in the US! Sadly most people are such skeptics! (yes, even Nick.... but he's definitely coming around.) I made Nick sit and listen to a conference call today with me so he could learn more about what I'm doing. I think he learned a lot, and he also asked some questions. I know I can be successful at this, and it sure feels good knowing he's behind me and is starting to take interest.

I want to share this with everyone I know! If you want to know what I'm doing and how it works, Please ask me! I would gladly share the information with you!

Always be yourself

Maybe I'm having my pre-midlife crisis, or maybe I'm finally just doing what I've always wanted to do, but lately it seems like I've been doing some things my parents would call "irresponsible" or just plain "stupid". Well, I say everyone has the right to their opinions, but honestly, I just don't care! I don't care if people don't like that I have tattoos or that I just got my nose pierced. I don't care if someone doesn't like what I'm wearing, or that I like to dye my hair crazy colors sometimes! I am just happy being ME! Love me or hate me. I figure the people who love me are the ones I love too. The people who hate me don't know me anyway.

It really feels good to finally be able to be myself. I really want my kids to grow up feeling like they can be who they are, not who someone thinks they should be. I also want them to accept other people for who they are, and not to be so quick to judge.

"It's okay to be YOUnique"

A change of Attitude

Maybe it's just because I only got only a little over 4 hours of sleep last night, or maybe because I didn't get to enjoy a nice, steamy cup of coffee this morning, but I am feeling very morose today. I don't feel like myself. Work was fine. Nothing bad or annoying happened. It's a beautiful day outside but I'd rather hide inside my house and watch sappy, romantic movies. (I watched The Holiday for the gazillionth time today) Why do I feel so BLAH?!? I'm not sad. Just... BLAH! That's the only word I can think of to describe how I feel. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!

Well, screw this. I'm not going to feel blah anymore. First, I'm going to make some coffee, then I'm going to sit down and enjoy it. Sounds weird but I think it will help. :) If only I could sit and talk with a good friend while sipping coffee. I'm pretty sure that would make me feel better. To bad it's just not the week for such pleasures. Maybe that has also contributed to my gloom today. (I won't go into too much detail. Just stupid petty crap!)

Anyway.... Time for Coffee! Mmmm :)

Crazy Day

My little Emma has been going to a dance class once a week for a little over a month now. Today was her last day, and then she has a rehearsal next week for her little recital on the 29th. I'm so excited to see her up on the stage. It's definitely going to be a short, chaotic little dance (lots of 3 and 4 year olds waving and crying for their moms) but I'm looking forward to watching it. She has had so much fun. I think I'll have to sign her up again for the next class. We did lots of running around today. Usually I love having an excuse to get out of the house but today was nuts! Dragging 4 kids all over with me is not easy! (I had my 11 month old niece Avery, Emma's friend Stella, then Emma and Elliot) We went to watch Emma dance, then I took them all to McDonald's for lunch before we had to drive to the hospital to pick my father-in-law up from a doctors appointment and take him home. (of course every one of those trips were completely across town from one another!) We went to a McDonald's with a big play place. I was thinking it would be fun. Well, not so much. Emma is TERRIFIED of heights. Usually she gets over it and has fun with all the other kids but today she just wasn't having it. She climbed all the way up the play set, then froze and screamed bloody murder until I climbed up there and had to drag her out. Ugh! I feel bad for her, but when she gets like that she won't listen to a word I say. It's like she goes deaf and all she can think about is how scared she is. Poor girl. I hope she grows out of it. Ethan use to do that too, but he got over it, thank God. Elliot has no troubles at all. He runs, jumps, slides, and climbs all over the place. He's my little Monkey.

I mowed my backyard when we got home this afternoon. It was starting to look like a jungle, so I thought I better do it. I'm so proud. I got the mower started all by myself. Usually I hurt myself trying to get it started then get pissed off and leave it for Nick. Tomorrow is my "free day" as I like to call it. I don't have to babysit or work. I love Wednesdays. I think I might take the kids to the park or something.

Ok, that's enough rambling. I rented some movies for Nick and I, and I also got one for the kids. Whenever he gets back from riding his motorcycle I'm going to cuddle up on the couch with him and watch one of them. Ahhhh. Sitting down sounds awesome!

Misery Loves Company

Story time.

I knew this girl in High School named Jennifer (Jenny for short). She was a completely different person when we were alone than she was when we were with a group of people. Alone, she was nice, funny, supportive, non judgemental. Everything a good friend should be. Once other people were around she became this mean, stuck-up, bitchy girl who I really didn't like much. I use to hear other friends tell me that Jenny was saying all kinds of bad things about me behind my back. Spreading rumors. If I ever confronted her about any of it she would always deny it. It's pretty hard to get mad at someone when they swear up and down that they didn't say or do anything. Especially if it's someone who's supposed to be your friend. Well, long story short, I finally found out that all the talk of her spreading rumors about me were completely true. She was in fact a mean, nasty person who liked seeing other people upset. It was almost like a hobby for her. Maybe it's cause she was unhappy herself? I don't know. All I know is that ever since her, I've been kind of cautious about who I pick as friends. I am not always quick to trust, but I do tend to like people even before I get to know them. Isn't it weird how one person can change the way you see something? I think most people are good, and have good intentions. But I also think that there are a lot of unhappy people out there who just want to make you feel as miserable as they do. The old saying "Misery loves company" is spot on in this case.

I haven't seen Jenny since Junior year in high school. I'd like to think that she's grown up and changed for the better. But honestly, I don't think that's true. I think she's probably still an unhappy, mean person who likes making other people miserable. After all, some people never change.

Quote I love

I am really loving this quote today. Just wanted to share it with you all.

Idiot!

I've been feeling guilty lately. I should have my CNA certification, but because I'm a huge procrastinator I still haven't even taken my exam. I paid the $70, but never called to sign up to take the test. Now, since it's been a few months since I have even looked at any of the work, I have to study all over again just so I can remember enough stuff to take it! I'm such an idiot. I should have just taken the damn test when all the information was fresh in my brain. I still REEEALLY want to go to nursing school. With the way my ass is dragging on the ground I'll be 50 before that happens! I really want to be less lazy. I want to set a goal, work towards it, and accomplish it!! Why does that seem so hard. Sure, I've got 3 kids, a husband, and I work outside of my home 2 times a week, but some people have that and more on their plate and they still accomplish more than I do.

With all of that being said.... I am setting a goal for myself. The next two weeks I am going to study my ass off. Instead of reading all of my sexy vampire books I am going to start reading my CNA books. I am going to practice taking vitals on everyone who comes over... so beware. By the middle of the month I want to be completely ready to take the exam. Think I can do it? I hope I can.

BBQ

Today we officially had our first BBQ! It may sound like no big deal to you, but it makes me happy as hell. I am SO ready for summer to get here. Nick rode his new motorcycle around the neighborhood today and I'm excited for him to learn so we can go for rides together. I just want to jump up on the back, wave goodbye to everyone, and cruise with my man.

That's it. That's all I wanted to say. Short and sweet.

Party Time

I know every weekend is a party for my friends and I, but this last weekend was a little different. One of us had a birthday, which is a great reason to have a "real" party, right? Well Heather and I threw Sammi a Luau birthday party and it was a blast! We got rid of most of our kids and it was awesome. (Usually we have 6 kids fighting, arguing, whining, or crying, so you can imagine how relaxing it was!) We made some yummy food, had lots of drinks, danced in our grass skirts, laughed until it hurt, and sat in the hot tub until we were a bunch of wrinkly raisins. Good times!

Birthday Girl

Sammi looking beautiful

I'm not sure if it's Nick, or Juan?

Justin is laughing at Juan

Me and Sammi

The Three Amigos

Smile Heather :)

Sammi and Justin

Mason and Elliot

Motorcycle Mania

It's going to be such a fun summer. Yesterday Nick and I bought a beautiful, brand new, shiny, red, Suzuki SV650 motorcycle. (it's last years model, but it's still a brand new bike.) Whoo Hoo! I get to be a biker chick. Nick looks incredibly hot sitting on it, and I can't wait for him to learn to ride it. He is going to sign up to take the motorcycle class in May so he can get licensed. I told him that I was perfectly content being the passenger on his bike, but that I still want him to teach me how to drive it. It scares me but I've always wanted to learn. We got to pick out our helmets, jackets, and gloves yesterday too. Everything I picked out is extremely girlie and I love it! I'm excited to go for rides up in the mountains. I think that will be our fun little getaway this summer. I can't wait!

Bad things come in 3's

It all started with a broken fridge. Well, defroster fan to be exact. I had to throw most of my food in the garbage, and what little I could save I took over to Heather's house to store in her fridge. Next, my oven won't heat up. The broiler and stove work fine. I just can't bake anything, which makes it hard to come up with dinner most nights. Then, last night after dinner (spaghetti, since I can make that on the stove top) I'm trying to clean up and notice that my water won't get hot. Turns out my hot water heater is leaking all over the place and so today we had to get that replaced! UGH! When will this stop?! All of this has happened within the last month and a half. Nick's Mom always talked about the "Milner Curse" but I just assumed that it was all just a bunch of bull. Well I am starting to think she was on to something. I keep hearing "Welcome to Home Owning". Is this what it's like the whole time you own your own home? Shit always breaking, and you standing there going "DUUUHHH. Um, what do I do??" It's pretty annoying.

As much as I complain, I still would NEVER go back to living in an apartment, or having an annoying landlord. No thank you!

I just hope that this bad luck is going to stop and give Nick and I a little while to catch our breath, and to catch up on bills. UGH! I hate money.

Roller Coaster

I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster! I'm seriously getting nauseous from all this constant up and down! Laughing one minute, crying the next. I think I have a mental impairment. (I think it's called being a WOMAN!) Now, don't get me wrong. There are many benefits to being a girl and usually I enjoy my womanhood. Just not lately. I can't handle days like today where I just want to hide in the bathroom and have a good cry. It makes me feel weak, and vulnerable. And like an idiot. Sometimes I hate emotion! I'm sure that me listening to sad, gooey, emo songs isn't helping but I can't stop listening to Secondhand Serenade today. I guess I like to torture myself.

Ugh.

Glorious, Gloomy days

There's something about a gloomy day that makes me want to snuggle up in a warm, cozy blanket with my hot, steamy cup O' Joe, and watch a good movie. It has been such a gloomy few days. You would think that since I can't go outside that I would have the shiniest, cleanest, best smelling house on the block, right? I mean, there's nothing else to do than clean. Hahaha. Riiiiight. I'm not that kind of housewife. There is a good side to all this rainy weather though. My tulips are coming up in the front yard, and the grass is already green!! Spring IS coming! That in itself is enough to make me smile. I'm sure in a couple of months when I'm all hot and sweaty, and my stupid swamp cooler (NOT like an air conditioner no matter what anyone tries to tell you) is still broken, I will be wishing for these cool, gloomy days to come back. Guess I better enjoy them while I still can. It's a good thing I have good friends who turn on their air conditioners full blast so you either have to break out the winter sweaters in the middle of july, or go stand outside for a minute just to keep warm. Ahhh. Summer. Warmth. Ice Tea. Sun Tans. Shorts. Tank Tops. Flip Flops. BBQ's. Need I say more????

Foggy

I'm in a fog. My eyes don't want to focus (too much reading), my head is fuzzy (need more coffee), and I am bored shitless! You would think that maybe I'd need a nap or something, right? Well, nope. No nap for me today. I want to do something fun! I want to be crazy, have fun, and do something irresponsible. Hummm... I'm thinking... drinks with friends, laughing until it hurts, and making out with my HOT husband. Yep. THAT'S what I want to do. Thank God it's Friday!

Playing Hooky

Nick stayed home from work today to recuperate from being sick. He's still not completely over being sick, but he is doing lots better. I hope that he's the last one of us to get sick for a LONG time! I don't want anymore sick in my house! Sick has been kicked the freak OUT! I just hope it stays out.

Our darn fridge broke today. The past few days things haven't been as cold as I thought they should be, so we called a repair guy to come look at it. Turns out the defrost fan (or something like that) went out. Got that replaced, but still can't turn the fridge back on until tomorrow afternoon. We have to wait for it to completely defrost first. I had to throw almost everything in the garbage. What a pain. But, I'm trying to look on the bright side of things. At least this means I don't have to cook dinner tonight. There's nothing left in the fridge to cook. We're going over to a friends for dinner instead. Drinks and food with friends... sounds fun to me. :)

Pity party

Thanks to those of you who felt pity for me when I was sick. LOL. I'm usually not such a complainer when I get sick, but that sucked!!! I'm feeling better, but not quite back to my regular self yet. Still coughing, and all stuffed up. I went and got my nails done and did some shopping today with Sammi though, so that helped put me in a better mood. :)

I still am really behind on housework, and need to get my butt off the computer so I can keep cleaning. *sigh*

Kill me, please

Body aches, fever, chills, coughing... UGH! I feel like crap! So much for my flu shot this year. I still caught the flu. I thought I was doing better yesterday, but this morning it was back in full force. My head hurts.

I'm going to go drink some Alka Seltzer Flu and mope on the couch.

Hurting.

Have you ever had one of those mornings you wish you could rewind and do over, or change it somehow? My morning, spent crying and being angry, is NOT one of those mornings. I am actually glad for this morning. Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that in just one short day I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about some other people in my life. I've learned that if someones heart and intentions aren't in the right place, it just wasn't meant to be. I've also learned that you have to fight for the things you want. Now, saying that, it puts me in a little dilemma. (hence the reason for the crying and anger this morning) Do I take the high road, move on with a smile and bury the anger, letting it eat me up inside? Or do I act on my emotions and speak my mind, risk hurting someone else but feeling better myself? I know my intentions are good. I'm not an evil person. I would rather me feel hurt inside, than to know that someone else is hurting because of something I said or did.

I Guess I just answered my own question.

Pointless Pondering

I'm in a pensive mood. Get ready for some pointless rambling. It's one of those days.

When is it OK to be selfish, and when is it not? How much selfishness should one person be allowed to have without it making them a bad person? And who decides? I don't think I'm a very selfish person, usually. I'm a total people pleaser. I like to see other people happy, sometimes even when it doesn't make me happy. Still, sometimes I really just want to be selfish and say "To hell with everyone else! I'm doing what I want, when I want to, and how I want to do it!" Do you ever feel that way? Another thing, why does coffee seem to make everything better? As weird as that sounds it's still true. --Hungover? Here, drink this coffee and it will help. Fighting with your friend? Talk it out over a cup of coffee and soon everything will work out. Mornings not your thing? Coffee!!!-- See. I could go on and on. God I love Coffee. One more thing to ponder and then I'm done, for now. Is honesty always the best thing? Is it really better to tell someone something that could be mean, or hurtful rather than to tell them a little white lie so no feelings get hurt? I don't know about you, but I think some things are better left unsaid. We've all been around that incredibly annoying person who always speaks their mind, who never keeps anything inside their own head. Ugh! Sometimes I hate people like that. Personally, I like having my own secret thoughts that no one will ever hear. Whether good or bad thoughts. It's nice to know that inside my own head I've got privacy.

OK, so I warned you. Pointless pondering. I'm done now. Promise.

The living dead.

No, I'm not talking about vampires this time. I'm talking about how I feel! I am SO tired today! Getting up at 4 am should be against the law. I started working twice a week and it's crazy how early we have to start. I had to get up at 4 this morning, be out the door by 4:45, and working by 6.
(Today we were in Logan, so it took us an hour just to get there. Ugh!) If I wasn't sure before, I'm positive now... I am NOT a morning person! Well, I shouldn't say that. I'm not a 4 am morning person. Now 8 am, I can handle.

On the way home from work today, going through the Logan canyon, something pretty scary happened. It was really windy, and the snow was blowing pretty hard in certain parts. That was scary enough in itself, but then to have a car going the opposite direction lose control and come straight at you- missing you by only a few feet- and flip his car 2 times on the snow bank right beside you is TERRIFYING! Yeah, I did almost pee my pants, thanks for asking! I can honestly say that if that never happens again it would be A-OK with me! I hope that the person in the other car was wearing a seatbelt and didn't get hurt! Ugh... what a day!

Well, I'm off to clean my kitchen and try to think of something to make for dinner before Nick comes home. I have been a little neglectful in the making dinner area the past few nights. Maybe I'll make some Salmon! Yummy! Oh, and I have to give Emma and Elliot baths. *sigh* I'm tired.

SICK SUCKS!

There seriously should be a limit on how many times one person can get sick within the span of one month! Why is it that as soon as winter starts my kids are sick with EVERY single sickness one person can possibly get? (OK, so really not that dramatic, but it sure feels that way!) Whatever precautions I can take next year that will actually work... I'll DO IT! Even if that means my kids will have to live in big plastic bubbles all next winter!!! I am SO tired of the doctors appointments, antibiotics, fevers, earaches, coughing, snotty noses, wattery eyes, sore throats, throwing up, diarrhea, headaches, and weird red rashes!!!! And every mom knows that taking care of sick kids usually means that eventually you'll get sick too. NO ONE takes care of sick moms! *sigh*

My throat hurts. Guess I better go make myself some hot coffee to help soothe it a little bit. We have yet another doctors appointment this afternoon (only about the 10th one in 2 months) so I guess I better get moving. *sigh* again.

Nerd Alert!

Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. Need I say more? I can't seem to read those books enough! I have read all three, three times... so far! I don't know exactly what it is about those books, but I just can't stop reading them! Maybe it's that I'm a total sap and love anything romantic. Or maybe it's cause I also really like suspense and mythical creatures (especially Vampires). I am a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. **laugh it up** (Especially when Buffy started having a secret love affair with Spike, the cute, bad-boy vampire. Now that was hot.) Maybe I've got a weakness for the bad-boy (especially one with an accent)... or maybe I just think vampires are hot. Either way, I definitely know what I'm making Nick dress up as for Halloween this year! Grrrr!What girl wouldn't want to be bitten by that?!

Nonsense

Jeez. I just re-read some of my my last posts. Now I know why I don't write more. LOL. I'm such a dramatic person sometimes. I guess maybe I shouldn't write when I'm pissed off anymore. Hahahaha.

Nick and I are fine, by the way. We're always fine. :)

I was lazy today! I honestly laid on the couch and read my book and sent text messages to friends for most of the day. (I've got the crazy 'couch-hair' to prove it!) I had plans to do laundry and to get my kitchen cleaned up, but just didn't feel like it. Now I know why Nick gives me shit. My job can definitely be a lot easier than his at times. (Don't tell him I said that though!) It was nice to relax though. We had a pretty busy weekend, so I'm still feeling tired from all of that. We had drinks, family and good friends over, played out in the snow at 3 am, watched the superbowl, tons of food, and lots of laughs. (Not particularly in that order) It was a very fun, but tiring weekend.

I'm going to go do more sitting on the couch now. Elliot has been begging me to play some Zelda on the gamecube and I better go make him happy! All this sitting around is seriously going to make my ass bigger! Sammi, let's go to the gym! I really need it after today!

I GIVE UP!!!!

NEVER have I once claimed to be perfect! I mess up all the time, I realize and acknowledge this fact. (maybe more stubbornly at times than others) But I know I'm not a perfect person. OK, so what! Get over it! I'm only human after all. I am getting SO tired of always being the source of Nick's complaints! To him, I am the reason the house isn't clean enough, or why the laundry is always piled up to the ceiling, AND why we can't seem to get our financial problems under control. WTF!? Did I miss something? Am I the only one who lives in this house, or the only one who wears clothes, and sometimes spends money I really shouldn't? I'm constantly reminded of who makes the money in this relationship, and who doesn't! Yes, I know I don't contribute financially the way he does, but does that mean I'm not doing things just as important? Yes, I choose to stay home with my kids. I choose to be a housewife. I choose to put my schooling off until my kids are older. I don't regret those decisions, not even for a second! But should I honestly have to feel less important just cause I don't get paid for the job I do? Maybe Nick doesn't make me feel that way on purpose, but when he's telling other people "If I were the stay-at-home Dad, things would be SO much better"! Now that's just plain HURTFUL!!! Never have I said to him (or anyone else for that matter) that I would be better at his job than he is.

I've honestly come to realize that it doesn't matter what I do, nothing will be good enough. I've tried getting a job (waitressing at Red Lobster, babysitting) but that didn't work out so well. I'm either gone too much or not making enough money to have it work out. And I've also tried working really hard to get the house cleaned up so Nick would be happy when he came home from work, only to have it go unnoticed and for him to stress out about something else like bills instead. I don't know how to make everyone happy at the same time while still trying to keep myself from going crazy from being in the house all day. All I know is that I really can't keep having the same arguments with Nick. It's always over the same damn thing, no matter what I do. SO.... I GIVE UP!!!! To hell with trying to make everyone else happy. It's obviously not working anyway, so why bother. I'm just so frustrated by this all. There's nothing better than being told that I am the cause of every major fuck up in our lives. (note the heavy sarcasm in my pissed off voice) I have a new rule though... since being a stay-at-home mom is my job, at 7:00 pm every night I'm clocking out! Make your own damn dinner! I'm off the clock!

Clinicals

I've been going to school since October to be a certified nurses assistant (CNA). I'm all done with the book work part, and now I'm working on finishing my clinical hours. I have to complete at least 24 hours, which I am doing in three 8-hour days. I had my first day last Saturday. I didn't really have any expectations going into it, I just really (secretly) didn't want to be put in the Dementia hall. I don't have anything personal against the people there, I just thought it would be too sad for my first day. I got there right at 6:00 am, and Cheryl (the lady in charge of us students) gave me the tour. It is a pretty big place, so I instantly felt nervous. After the tour she assigned me to another CNA who worked there (who just so happened to be working the Dementia hall that day, go figure!) and I pretty much just followed her around all day like a little puppy dog and helped when she needed me to. It really wasn't hard, just SAD! Those sweet people don't even know what is going on! The whole time they just sit, or lay there either smiling or sleeping and totally oblivious. We tried talking to them, but they were just too confused to answer back most of the time. During breakfast and lunch we had to help a few of them eat. Their minds just were so far gone that they had forgotten how to do something as simple as work a fork. It was such an interesting (although sad) day, and I really learned a lot. I have to go back tomorrow again, and I wonder where they will put me this time. I'm hoping for something different, (like the rehab hall) only because I really want to see how other areas are. I plan to get a job when I get my certification and I'd like to know the areas I'd like to stay away from, and the ones I think I could handle. If I'm being completely honest... I really don't want to be a CNA for very long. I want to be an RN and work in OB/GYN or Plastic and Reconstructive surgery. But, that will take a while since it's a lot more school. At least this CNA stuff will give me the kick in my pants that I need to keep with it!

Well, I've got to get up (as Heather says) at the "Inner Anus of Dawn" so I better get to bed! HAHAHA! Heather, you make me laugh.

Night!

2008!

The New Year is finally here, and I just want to know one thing.... what the hell happened to 2007? I can't believe how fast it flew by! Why is it that the years just seem to blur into one another the older you get? I seem to remember a time when the years felt like they took FOREVER to pass by. Now I feel like I better not blink to many times cause they keep passing me by too quickly!

Despite being too short, 2007 was a good year. I've never really made any big New Year's resolutions, but I do usually make a little "want" list to myself that I try to keep, like-- I want to try harder to be patient with my kids-- I want to give Nick lots more love and attention--I want to try to eat better this year-- I want to finish school and get a job-- I want to keep my awesome friends-- I want to fix up our house more-- you get the idea. I think it's good to have goals, but I have learned that if I fret over every thing that doesn't get accomplished then I get too stressed out and that's not good for anyone! "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". So, as long as I try, but don't stress out, then it should be another great year! I'm looking forward to it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!