Minds Made Up

I probably shouldn't write tonight but Nick is in bed and I'm bored. I should be in bed too, but I'm not ready just yet. To tell you the truth I'm completely exhausted. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't let people get to me. I wish I could just say "To hell with it" and not care as easily as some other people can. Water under the bridge, right? Well, it's hard for me. I don't like saying goodbye to someone who I once loved and shared a close friendship with. I don't like leaving things unsaid, or unexplained. I don't like constantly feeling upset. In this matter I really don't have a choice. Minds have already been made up, feelings have already been hurt, and mean things have already been said. The only thing I can do is to learn, grow, and move on. Definitely not a happy, or easy, thing to do in this situation, but not the end of the world either.

OK. I'm ready for bed now. Night.

A Jumble of feelings

I am excited, nervous, anxious, happy, hopeful, confident.... and a whole bunch of other feelings.... all bunched together! I was introduced to an awesome business opportunity by my cousin and his wife a few days ago and I am really grateful to them for thinking of me. I am totally excited and motivated! I just want all my close friends and family to have the same opportunity, and I have already talked to some of them. It is such an easy, simple, program i can do right out of my own home. I don't even have to sell anything, and this program is backed by the fourth largest company in the US! Sadly most people are such skeptics! (yes, even Nick.... but he's definitely coming around.) I made Nick sit and listen to a conference call today with me so he could learn more about what I'm doing. I think he learned a lot, and he also asked some questions. I know I can be successful at this, and it sure feels good knowing he's behind me and is starting to take interest.

I want to share this with everyone I know! If you want to know what I'm doing and how it works, Please ask me! I would gladly share the information with you!

Always be yourself

Maybe I'm having my pre-midlife crisis, or maybe I'm finally just doing what I've always wanted to do, but lately it seems like I've been doing some things my parents would call "irresponsible" or just plain "stupid". Well, I say everyone has the right to their opinions, but honestly, I just don't care! I don't care if people don't like that I have tattoos or that I just got my nose pierced. I don't care if someone doesn't like what I'm wearing, or that I like to dye my hair crazy colors sometimes! I am just happy being ME! Love me or hate me. I figure the people who love me are the ones I love too. The people who hate me don't know me anyway.

It really feels good to finally be able to be myself. I really want my kids to grow up feeling like they can be who they are, not who someone thinks they should be. I also want them to accept other people for who they are, and not to be so quick to judge.

"It's okay to be YOUnique"

A change of Attitude

Maybe it's just because I only got only a little over 4 hours of sleep last night, or maybe because I didn't get to enjoy a nice, steamy cup of coffee this morning, but I am feeling very morose today. I don't feel like myself. Work was fine. Nothing bad or annoying happened. It's a beautiful day outside but I'd rather hide inside my house and watch sappy, romantic movies. (I watched The Holiday for the gazillionth time today) Why do I feel so BLAH?!? I'm not sad. Just... BLAH! That's the only word I can think of to describe how I feel. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!

Well, screw this. I'm not going to feel blah anymore. First, I'm going to make some coffee, then I'm going to sit down and enjoy it. Sounds weird but I think it will help. :) If only I could sit and talk with a good friend while sipping coffee. I'm pretty sure that would make me feel better. To bad it's just not the week for such pleasures. Maybe that has also contributed to my gloom today. (I won't go into too much detail. Just stupid petty crap!)

Anyway.... Time for Coffee! Mmmm :)

Crazy Day

My little Emma has been going to a dance class once a week for a little over a month now. Today was her last day, and then she has a rehearsal next week for her little recital on the 29th. I'm so excited to see her up on the stage. It's definitely going to be a short, chaotic little dance (lots of 3 and 4 year olds waving and crying for their moms) but I'm looking forward to watching it. She has had so much fun. I think I'll have to sign her up again for the next class. We did lots of running around today. Usually I love having an excuse to get out of the house but today was nuts! Dragging 4 kids all over with me is not easy! (I had my 11 month old niece Avery, Emma's friend Stella, then Emma and Elliot) We went to watch Emma dance, then I took them all to McDonald's for lunch before we had to drive to the hospital to pick my father-in-law up from a doctors appointment and take him home. (of course every one of those trips were completely across town from one another!) We went to a McDonald's with a big play place. I was thinking it would be fun. Well, not so much. Emma is TERRIFIED of heights. Usually she gets over it and has fun with all the other kids but today she just wasn't having it. She climbed all the way up the play set, then froze and screamed bloody murder until I climbed up there and had to drag her out. Ugh! I feel bad for her, but when she gets like that she won't listen to a word I say. It's like she goes deaf and all she can think about is how scared she is. Poor girl. I hope she grows out of it. Ethan use to do that too, but he got over it, thank God. Elliot has no troubles at all. He runs, jumps, slides, and climbs all over the place. He's my little Monkey.

I mowed my backyard when we got home this afternoon. It was starting to look like a jungle, so I thought I better do it. I'm so proud. I got the mower started all by myself. Usually I hurt myself trying to get it started then get pissed off and leave it for Nick. Tomorrow is my "free day" as I like to call it. I don't have to babysit or work. I love Wednesdays. I think I might take the kids to the park or something.

Ok, that's enough rambling. I rented some movies for Nick and I, and I also got one for the kids. Whenever he gets back from riding his motorcycle I'm going to cuddle up on the couch with him and watch one of them. Ahhhh. Sitting down sounds awesome!

Misery Loves Company

Story time.

I knew this girl in High School named Jennifer (Jenny for short). She was a completely different person when we were alone than she was when we were with a group of people. Alone, she was nice, funny, supportive, non judgemental. Everything a good friend should be. Once other people were around she became this mean, stuck-up, bitchy girl who I really didn't like much. I use to hear other friends tell me that Jenny was saying all kinds of bad things about me behind my back. Spreading rumors. If I ever confronted her about any of it she would always deny it. It's pretty hard to get mad at someone when they swear up and down that they didn't say or do anything. Especially if it's someone who's supposed to be your friend. Well, long story short, I finally found out that all the talk of her spreading rumors about me were completely true. She was in fact a mean, nasty person who liked seeing other people upset. It was almost like a hobby for her. Maybe it's cause she was unhappy herself? I don't know. All I know is that ever since her, I've been kind of cautious about who I pick as friends. I am not always quick to trust, but I do tend to like people even before I get to know them. Isn't it weird how one person can change the way you see something? I think most people are good, and have good intentions. But I also think that there are a lot of unhappy people out there who just want to make you feel as miserable as they do. The old saying "Misery loves company" is spot on in this case.

I haven't seen Jenny since Junior year in high school. I'd like to think that she's grown up and changed for the better. But honestly, I don't think that's true. I think she's probably still an unhappy, mean person who likes making other people miserable. After all, some people never change.

Quote I love

I am really loving this quote today. Just wanted to share it with you all.

Idiot!

I've been feeling guilty lately. I should have my CNA certification, but because I'm a huge procrastinator I still haven't even taken my exam. I paid the $70, but never called to sign up to take the test. Now, since it's been a few months since I have even looked at any of the work, I have to study all over again just so I can remember enough stuff to take it! I'm such an idiot. I should have just taken the damn test when all the information was fresh in my brain. I still REEEALLY want to go to nursing school. With the way my ass is dragging on the ground I'll be 50 before that happens! I really want to be less lazy. I want to set a goal, work towards it, and accomplish it!! Why does that seem so hard. Sure, I've got 3 kids, a husband, and I work outside of my home 2 times a week, but some people have that and more on their plate and they still accomplish more than I do.

With all of that being said.... I am setting a goal for myself. The next two weeks I am going to study my ass off. Instead of reading all of my sexy vampire books I am going to start reading my CNA books. I am going to practice taking vitals on everyone who comes over... so beware. By the middle of the month I want to be completely ready to take the exam. Think I can do it? I hope I can.