Hurting.

Have you ever had one of those mornings you wish you could rewind and do over, or change it somehow? My morning, spent crying and being angry, is NOT one of those mornings. I am actually glad for this morning. Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that in just one short day I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about some other people in my life. I've learned that if someones heart and intentions aren't in the right place, it just wasn't meant to be. I've also learned that you have to fight for the things you want. Now, saying that, it puts me in a little dilemma. (hence the reason for the crying and anger this morning) Do I take the high road, move on with a smile and bury the anger, letting it eat me up inside? Or do I act on my emotions and speak my mind, risk hurting someone else but feeling better myself? I know my intentions are good. I'm not an evil person. I would rather me feel hurt inside, than to know that someone else is hurting because of something I said or did.

I Guess I just answered my own question.

Pointless Pondering

I'm in a pensive mood. Get ready for some pointless rambling. It's one of those days.

When is it OK to be selfish, and when is it not? How much selfishness should one person be allowed to have without it making them a bad person? And who decides? I don't think I'm a very selfish person, usually. I'm a total people pleaser. I like to see other people happy, sometimes even when it doesn't make me happy. Still, sometimes I really just want to be selfish and say "To hell with everyone else! I'm doing what I want, when I want to, and how I want to do it!" Do you ever feel that way? Another thing, why does coffee seem to make everything better? As weird as that sounds it's still true. --Hungover? Here, drink this coffee and it will help. Fighting with your friend? Talk it out over a cup of coffee and soon everything will work out. Mornings not your thing? Coffee!!!-- See. I could go on and on. God I love Coffee. One more thing to ponder and then I'm done, for now. Is honesty always the best thing? Is it really better to tell someone something that could be mean, or hurtful rather than to tell them a little white lie so no feelings get hurt? I don't know about you, but I think some things are better left unsaid. We've all been around that incredibly annoying person who always speaks their mind, who never keeps anything inside their own head. Ugh! Sometimes I hate people like that. Personally, I like having my own secret thoughts that no one will ever hear. Whether good or bad thoughts. It's nice to know that inside my own head I've got privacy.

OK, so I warned you. Pointless pondering. I'm done now. Promise.

The living dead.

No, I'm not talking about vampires this time. I'm talking about how I feel! I am SO tired today! Getting up at 4 am should be against the law. I started working twice a week and it's crazy how early we have to start. I had to get up at 4 this morning, be out the door by 4:45, and working by 6.
(Today we were in Logan, so it took us an hour just to get there. Ugh!) If I wasn't sure before, I'm positive now... I am NOT a morning person! Well, I shouldn't say that. I'm not a 4 am morning person. Now 8 am, I can handle.

On the way home from work today, going through the Logan canyon, something pretty scary happened. It was really windy, and the snow was blowing pretty hard in certain parts. That was scary enough in itself, but then to have a car going the opposite direction lose control and come straight at you- missing you by only a few feet- and flip his car 2 times on the snow bank right beside you is TERRIFYING! Yeah, I did almost pee my pants, thanks for asking! I can honestly say that if that never happens again it would be A-OK with me! I hope that the person in the other car was wearing a seatbelt and didn't get hurt! Ugh... what a day!

Well, I'm off to clean my kitchen and try to think of something to make for dinner before Nick comes home. I have been a little neglectful in the making dinner area the past few nights. Maybe I'll make some Salmon! Yummy! Oh, and I have to give Emma and Elliot baths. *sigh* I'm tired.

SICK SUCKS!

There seriously should be a limit on how many times one person can get sick within the span of one month! Why is it that as soon as winter starts my kids are sick with EVERY single sickness one person can possibly get? (OK, so really not that dramatic, but it sure feels that way!) Whatever precautions I can take next year that will actually work... I'll DO IT! Even if that means my kids will have to live in big plastic bubbles all next winter!!! I am SO tired of the doctors appointments, antibiotics, fevers, earaches, coughing, snotty noses, wattery eyes, sore throats, throwing up, diarrhea, headaches, and weird red rashes!!!! And every mom knows that taking care of sick kids usually means that eventually you'll get sick too. NO ONE takes care of sick moms! *sigh*

My throat hurts. Guess I better go make myself some hot coffee to help soothe it a little bit. We have yet another doctors appointment this afternoon (only about the 10th one in 2 months) so I guess I better get moving. *sigh* again.

Nerd Alert!

Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer. Need I say more? I can't seem to read those books enough! I have read all three, three times... so far! I don't know exactly what it is about those books, but I just can't stop reading them! Maybe it's that I'm a total sap and love anything romantic. Or maybe it's cause I also really like suspense and mythical creatures (especially Vampires). I am a huge Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan. **laugh it up** (Especially when Buffy started having a secret love affair with Spike, the cute, bad-boy vampire. Now that was hot.) Maybe I've got a weakness for the bad-boy (especially one with an accent)... or maybe I just think vampires are hot. Either way, I definitely know what I'm making Nick dress up as for Halloween this year! Grrrr!What girl wouldn't want to be bitten by that?!

Nonsense

Jeez. I just re-read some of my my last posts. Now I know why I don't write more. LOL. I'm such a dramatic person sometimes. I guess maybe I shouldn't write when I'm pissed off anymore. Hahahaha.

Nick and I are fine, by the way. We're always fine. :)

I was lazy today! I honestly laid on the couch and read my book and sent text messages to friends for most of the day. (I've got the crazy 'couch-hair' to prove it!) I had plans to do laundry and to get my kitchen cleaned up, but just didn't feel like it. Now I know why Nick gives me shit. My job can definitely be a lot easier than his at times. (Don't tell him I said that though!) It was nice to relax though. We had a pretty busy weekend, so I'm still feeling tired from all of that. We had drinks, family and good friends over, played out in the snow at 3 am, watched the superbowl, tons of food, and lots of laughs. (Not particularly in that order) It was a very fun, but tiring weekend.

I'm going to go do more sitting on the couch now. Elliot has been begging me to play some Zelda on the gamecube and I better go make him happy! All this sitting around is seriously going to make my ass bigger! Sammi, let's go to the gym! I really need it after today!